Presents from Hell or merely just silly.
I can’t think of a single thing I want this Christmas other than a holiday (that’s lucky, as we’re meeting as a family in Portugal). There really isn’t anything I want at all so I’m writing a non-material wish list.
*Can people please stop jeering at civil servants whose wages happen to be paid by taxpayers? Yes, yada yada.
*Can we introduce compulsory labour in that exact field for people who do?
*Can people please stop sneering at the working classes and folk who shop in certain shops?
*Can people stop buying certain newspapers?
*Can people stop demonising anyone under the age of 21?
*Can we (that’s not you, by the way) stop sneering at people who aren’t necessarily atheist?
*Can we (that’s not me, by the way, I never speak of them, unless to say I’d rather boil my head alive in cider than see them in stand-up) never speak of Russell Brand or The Mighty Boosh again?
None of these are likely to happen any time soon, so:
Can you tell me what the silliest xmas present you ever had was?
04/12/2008 at 16:11
My sister in law bought me a hands free car kit for my mobile (‘be good for your work’ was the idea behind it)- even though I’d been getting the train to London for several years – hmmm. They’ve divorced since, but nothing to do with this..
A friend of mine’s elderly aunt, a serial smoker (she was yellow apparently) bought him 20 B and H and a pair of red socks!
04/12/2008 at 17:38
An ink well that doubled as a quail’s egg cup.
04/12/2008 at 18:35
Erk, a Christmas present that ‘would be good for your work’ would bring me out in a rash of horror, unless it was a car and even then I’d be a bit dismayed as I hate driving more than I hate getting on the tube (and that really is saying something).
My brother-in-law buys utterly bizarre and pointless shite that can only be described as a monumental (with holly on top) waste of everyone’s time (except the year he bought me a mobile phone charger that is powered by kinetic energy – that was useful as a music festival).
F-C – do you still have it? I’d like it, I think.
05/12/2008 at 17:20
I don’t think I’ve ever received anything silly, but certainly the most annoying presents I’ve ever received were vile porcelain type crap for my 18th birthday /Christmas (around the same time) which I was assured that I would like when I was older. Still waiting for that moment…
I don’t know whether I dare risk asking this, but what’s wrong with the Mightly Boosh. Ok, they both come across as irritating little twerps but [whispering] I quite like the show.
06/12/2008 at 10:51
Let’s not go there. We’re likely to disagree majorly.
As a primary school teacher you get some shockingly bad presents. Chocolate, yes, fine. A plant or two (they’re always much appreciated). But last year I had the world’s most irksome clay model of two baby bears hugging and a ‘magic scarf’ that was tiny until you pulled it. It was orange with pink fleck. Just awful.
06/12/2008 at 11:55
Ah, but do you have a special box to put all these treasures safely away in so you can sigh over them in old age?
I think I gave my piano and primary school teachers ‘Christmas scented’ soap once. I hope this wasn’t a mistake.
06/12/2008 at 13:59
Scented soap wouldn’t be unwelcome compared with some of that tat I got last year. Actually, the bear trinket I was given, I got out to show our friends and it’s still there, on the writing chest, one year later!!
07/12/2008 at 00:36
A porcelain ‘olive boat’ and a baguette chopping board – yes – a very un-useful thin piece of wood to chop baguette on. We actually waited for a polite amount of time to elapse and actually used it for firewood later in the year!
07/12/2008 at 00:36
Oh no I said actually twice – vast apologies.
07/12/2008 at 12:03
Haha, that’s madness! I wish I could see these presents for myself. What are people thinking? I do think sometimes I’m going to get wackier with my present buying. I started this summer when I bought my sister some eye masks that said ‘fuck off’ and my Mum a toast stamp that says ‘i love you’ even though they don’t eat toast. It’s much more fun than standard present buying.
07/12/2008 at 18:21
All I want for Christmas this year is the full collection of Doris Lessing’s short stories. Doubtless I’ll get them though and will have to go and buy for myself in a bilious post-Christmas grump! I am buying Son of Romo’s teacher a grow your own amaryllis in a pot for Christmas – we figured that was a good teacher thing to get – better than horrible cuddly penguins or santa-themed hankies or anything!
08/12/2008 at 10:59
A grow your own amaryllis would go down very well with me. Although, I’ll be lucky to get anything this year. Christmas isn’t celebrated in my school so I’m not expecting anything.
08/12/2008 at 11:03
We’ve been instructed to take an orange and some soft sweets to make a ‘christingle’ on Weds – I am just off to google christingle now (as I raise my eyebrows in a Tony Hancock exaspered type of way)
08/12/2008 at 15:44
That’ll be an orange with spikes sticking out of it. A very important Christian artifact. I’m sure.
08/12/2008 at 16:36
It is! An orange with 4 x sweet covered cocktail sticks sticking out of it and a candle shoved in the middle. Can you tell I’m a shocking non-believer?!